Pride

“Hi there! This seat taken? No? Cool if I...? Great, thanks! Gotta say, feels good to get off my feet, been working since 7 this morning, so a little bit of lager down the big belly would do me some good, right?... Haha, exactly, yes. Right... So what’s your racket? What’s your line of business, as it were? Advertising? Really? Like a Mad Man kinda deal? Oh, yeah? Wow, cool. Looks pretty glamorous! Or like, like... the husband in Bewitched! Little less glamorous, but heck: he had a hot witch wife! Ha, ha.... Excuse me? No, no: I said ‘witch.’ Yeah. No: no bad words coming out of me, no siree! No, no... Hmm? Me? I’m an accountant. Crunching numbers all day, no social skills, pocket protectors, wearing glasses... The whole nine yards!... Yes, of course I’m kidding! As you can see: I’m wearing contacts now!
Ah, nothing like that first sip of cold beer at the end of the day, eh? Makes you forget all your worries! You got any? Worries, I mean... Well, good for you! That’s just great, really. I’m happy for you. Yeah.
Ah, feels good. Yeah...
Makes you forget your worries.
Yeah...
Of course some people, like you, have no worries. That’s good.
But if some people had. Worries, I mean. Then a cold beer could make them go away for a bit...
Pardon me? Me? Worries? Oh, what made you think that?
I mean... It’s not a worry. It’s a... a bit of a thorn, but no biggie. Heck: not even a thorn, really. A bramble, at most. Just... I mean... You know...
Well, my only son just told me the other day he was gay.
No, it’s no problem at all. Really. I mean, I love him to pieces, always have, always will. Can’t even say I’m totally surprised, I mean he had posters of Freddy Mercury all over his walls by the time he was seven. Then he became a big fan of any films involving gladiators, so you know: I kinda knew. I didn’t care. And I still don’t, of course. But, it’s just... Well, no, it’s nothing. I mean, I was hoping for an heir, you know? Someone to carry on my name, but... well, hell: what has my family ever done in history? I mean why should our name live on? From what I’ve heard, my great-great-grandfather once met a guy who was apparently important. I can’t even tell you who or where or when, that’s how important my family is. Yeah... Plus, anyway: with all these new laws, my son might adopt a son and give him our name. I mean, okay: so there might be a kid named ‘Johnson’ in forty years, and he’ll be totally like... Asian or African or from wherever the adopting fad will be in those days.
No, no! I’m saying, hey: good for them! Cool! Well deserved and all.
But, you know what? There’s something I’ve always wondered, and don’t get me wrong, but... Well, our society is so freaking PC these days that I’m not even sure how to say it. I mean, I’d ask my son, but he’s such a drama queen that--
No, no... Sorry, no. I didn’t mean he’s a queen because he’s gay. That was a bad choice of word, really. I mean, even when I thought he was straight, I’d call him a drama queen and he always thought that was funny. I guess I understand why now... But he knows I didn’t mean it that way. I mean, a ‘drama king’ or a ‘drama prince’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?
Anyway, so... What I wanted to say, or rather: ask, is... Well... what’s with the whole gay pride thing? I mean, okay: they’re gay and they shouldn’t be ashamed, I totally get that. But why be proud? I mean... I’ve never been proud of being straight. I mean I’ve never thought: I love to sleep with women! Woohoo! Let’s have a parade! I mean it’s just something that happened, right?
And, well... That’s kinda the flaw in their logic... No, no: ‘their’ is not a derogatory term, really. It’s just a pronoun, so let’s calm down.
What I mean is: so they’re gay, good for them. They say it’s not a choice, it’s biology or what-have-you. And I totally agree. But, see... If you don’t have a choice in the matter, how can you be proud of it? I mean... Should I be proud that I have green eyes? That I’m right handed? That I got brown hair? I don’t really give a shit, to be honest. That’s who I am and I carry on with my life.
What?...
Ah, yes, I know they’ve been persecuted and misunderstood, I totally get that. But still... Now they can say: ‘F- you, we’re gay, accept it or don’t. F- you either way you f’ing straight f-.’ And I do apologize for my language, I really do... Sorry. But you know what I mean, right?
So, you know, my son is gay. Okay. he’s happy as hell, and I’m happy for him. I’m just saying, what’s with the pride thing? Well, if you think about it, same think with ‘black pride’ or 'woman pride’ and of course also 'white pride.’ I mean... you were born this way. It’s good you’re okay with who you are, really that’s just fantastic, but ‘pride’ is just not the right word to use!
I guess the slogan ‘We’re gay and that’s okay’ doesn’t... Well, hold on: I think that sounds pretty damn good, no?
Yeah, I don’t know either.
Anyway, let’s have another drink. On me. Yeah, yeah, I insist!
And if that’s okay, I’ll tell you why my son’s boyfriend is a total jerk.”