“So, lemme get this straight... Yeah... So: you call me on Friday out of the blue, you tell me you want to see me to have a drink or six and I accept and you tell me where to meet you and I meet you there and we drink and we talk and we drink some more and then you tell me that you want to go to my place because it’s quiet there and we’ll be alone. So I pay for the drinks –happily, I might add– and I call a cab and we get in the cab and I pay for the cab –really, no problem– and we get to my place and you sit next to me on my couch, showing a whole lot of leg and I mix you some fancy cocktail and you keep touching your hair and smiling coyly at me and then, and only then mind you, you tell me that you want us to be 'just friends.’
Yeah.
Right.
That’s cool. Really. I mean, yes… I’ve been having three wet dreams a night about you for over a year and whenever you call me my heart rate doubles and the mention of your name makes me smile like the village idiot. But I respect your decision. Sure. Let's be friends.
Excuse me?
You want to talk about your boyfriend? He’s young and you’re not sure you like him?
Haha. Sure. Please forgive me while I run to the kitchen to shove a fork up my nose.
You what? You’re not too happy with the sex? You like older men?
Yeah.
Please forgive me while I run to my bedroom and set myself on fire.
No, of course I’ll give you advice. I respect you. We’re friends. That’s what friends do. My advice? I think you should introduce me to your boyfriend and let me shoot him in the back. Haha, no, I’m kidding of course. What should you tell him? I don’t know. How about: “Dude, I’m an angel and you should worship me?” Haha, yes I’m kidding of course. As friends do.
Look, it’s almost nine in the morning, we’ve just spent 10 hours together, most of them on my couch. As a friend, I feel I have to tell you that it’s very hard for me not to caress your face, to not hold your hand, to not try to kiss you and try as best as I can to hide my raging erection. So maybe we should call it a day. You go home to your boyfriend and I’ll jump right out the window.
Haha, it’s another joke, yes. Of course
One of many.”
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